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November 20, 2004



I have an night addiction to alcohol. After the kids are put to bed, I want more than one glass of wine to relax. My husband, who knows that both my parents drink at night to relax (enough to get a GOOD buzz), refuses to accept that I want to relax this way. I am having a hard time struggling with the guilt of drinking to relax, and to pump and dump afterwards to make sure my son does not receive any alcohol. I also want to be a christian, but when I drink I don't feel "christ-like." I dump until after his first feeding in the morning, sometimes later (he's 5 months old and waking up usually twice in the night). I am unsure of the alcohol content to baby Kai. I feel the urge to drink every night, and desire the drink, but I love my son dearly (and my 25 month old daughter), but I feel the stress of the two kids are overcoming me.
I am struggling between the christian life I desire to live for my husband and my kids, and the life I am so familiar with. I want an outlet. Help......

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